Ed Lingao, May Sagot Kay Polong Duterte

Dear KaPAB,

Eto po ang sagot ni Ed Lingao kay Polong Duterte.

For a fleeting moment this Sunday morning, I thought of having breakfast at Jollibee. But in the end, I decided not to.

Kawawa naman kasi si Jollibee. Baka sabihin nila may conspiracy nanaman. Baka biglang maglabas ng arrest warrant.

Over the weekend, a former minor politician posted a list of people and groups who are supposedly involved in an ouster plot against his father. That list included several opposition figures, church figures, people from media, and some companies including – hahaha – Jollibee! Someone gave him the list, he said, and in much the same way his father waves around unverified and highly questionable lists, he thought it best to publish his nice little list on FB. Bakit naman hindi? Naka Excel file, so it must be true!

Around a day later, probably realizing how stupid the list was (or is that giving him too much credit?), he took the list down. No explanation, no clarification, no correction.

Nevertheless, a word about that Ouster Plot list.

1. Bishop Labayen is part of an ouster plot? Mga HIJO, Labayen died a month before Duterte was elected. Sabi nga ni Melo Acuna, we believe in the resurrection — but the Church does not believe in holding seances with dead bishops, not even for ouster plots.

2. Bishop Leo Drona, as far as I’ve read, is half blind and in a wheelchair.

3. Bishop Arturo Santos? Meron ba nun?

4. CBCP is part of an ouster plot. Really? CBCP? Whose bishops are so painfully quiet and unresponsive no matter how much the President pounds the Church, makes fun of its doctrines, and calls its priests homosexuals (or at least nine out of every ten of them)?

5. Carmen Pedrosa? Last I heard, she is a Duterte die-hard who was appointed to the board of PAGCOR. Also, as pointed out by Apa Ongpin, Don Ramon Pedrosa is not the husband of Carmen Pedrosa, as alleged by the list. Carmen Pedrosa’s husband, says Apa, is Alberto, who died years ago. (Thanks Apa)

6. Jim “Ducky” Paredes? Mga HIJO, these are two different people. Jim Paredes is the singer from Apo. Ducky is his brother, a former Press Undersecretary. I earlier wrote that Ducky had passed on, but someone remarked that he is still with us, so I made revisions. I apologize to Ducky for the mistake and confusion.

7. “Mutant/cause oriented groups” — honestly, I don’t know how to react to this. Typo? Joke? Di naman siya pwedeng sabihin na hyperbole. Or are the X-men among us already?

8. Jesuit-educated millenials? Mga hijo naman, what kind of credible list brands an entire age bracket from several schools scattered across the Philippines as part of an ouster plot? Is this a new kind of group-think? Mass hypnosis? Will it call for a different kind of “class suit,” but this time, an entire class is charged in court? Seriously, naman, napag-isipan ba ito?

9. Journalists Maria Ressa, Ellen Tordesillas, and myself. There are many people who cannot grasp the idea that a journalist can and in fact should be critical, and that being critical is not the same as plotting the ouster of the President. There are those who can make the distinction, and there are those whose very smooth brains cannot tell the difference. As far as the smooth-brained are concerned, critical journalists are automatically dilawan, biased, bayaran presstitutes, while so-called journalists who openly and brazenly cast their lot with President Duterte are fair, balanced, and objective. Not many seem to recognize the irony of that statement.

10. The list is not even new. Earlier this year, Kit Tatad wrote about this list in his Manila Times column to question its accuracy. The fact that it is not a new list at all yet is being shared and believed says so much of people who share such things, and of people who swallow them hook line and sinker.

I certainly hope this list was not put together by the security services or by some sipsip functionary. Sayang naman ang budget at pondo ng gobyerno kung ganito ang resulta ng kanilang imbestigasyon. Kung ganito lang ang output, aba eh baka dapat ang lahat ng intelligence reports ay mayroong warranty period at money back guarantee.

May ibang tao na hanggang meme lang ang kaya i-share. Ganun talaga eh, hanggang dun na lang kayang i-push. Pero mayroon namang ibang tao na madaling mapaniwala dahil lang naka-excel na ang file na shinashare. Dating bise alkade at presiding officer pa ng konseho ha? Mas intelihente nga namang tignan dahil naka excel diba? It is true that mister former minor politician took his post down eventually, but he did so without any correction or qualification, and not after it was seen and shared by thousands who took his word for it much like they take his father’s word for whatever comes out of his mouth. Just this morning, I was getting troll comments already as a result of his irresponsible post. Bobo daw ako at duwag dahil rebelde daw ako. Huh? Lubha talagang matalas ang lohika ng mga ito. With people like you, who needs to plot ousters?

Some people have just given new meaning to the line “jo-Jolllibee kami, jo-join kayo?”

Tawa ako ng tawa. Huwag kasi imbento kung hindi naman scientist.


Natatawa ng Bongga,


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